Truth be told, life is just a matter of perspective. Let me explain it like this. Your pain, your suffering, your heartache, your discouragement is the biggest thing in the world to you at that time. It consumes your every thought, your every action, your every decision. In your perspective, from the way you see things, this thing that haunts you is set out to destroy you and from your point of view, it is succeeding. But that's exactly it, it's from your point of view! It's from your perspective! This is why suffering in silence and loneliness is difficult and dangerous.
We need the counsel of others, the encouragement of others, the direction of others when we are down and out. Keep in mind though, that it needs to be people or friends of reputable character and not some bum that just comes around to leach off of you. Yes, there are people who call themselves your friends, who only come around when they need something. Those people don't care about you at all! They are selfish and need to be put out of your life. But that's for another post at a later time.
When you're down and out and going through the tough times in life, you need to band together with the positive thinkers, the optimists, the friends who are going to love you and push you through your troubles and onto greater things. I remember hearing a story of a young lady who was whining (as she always did) to another friend because she could not afford to go on vacation that year. What this whiner didn't stop to realize was that the person she was complaining to had suffered greatly over the past 12 months. Suffering from health issues, personal tragedies of deaht and loss in her life. This was obviously not the person to be complaining to about a silly vacation. Surround yourself with positive people who understand and can relate to what your going through and allow them to encourage you in any way that they can!
So how do we find joy in pain? In my opinion it's also a matter of perspective. Remember I told you that I am generally a pessimist. (for those of you with a public school education that means that I look at the negative side of things....lol) One thing that I've learned over the past 4 years is how to look at the bright side of things. Now, I have not always done that. Actually, I've only done it once in 4 years...lol Regardless of my track record of failures in optimism, the truth is still the same! Learn to look at the bright side of everything! Learn to make every mountain that you are climbing just a stepping stone onto something better.
Let me put it this way. My marriage was torn apart 4 years ago. I won't ever get into that because I believe that it was both of our faults. I take 100% responsibility for losing my wife. But what I did gain was an opportunity to spend 4 wonderful years with my children. You see, I have full custody of my kids and I love every minute that I get to spend with them! We go to the park, we play ball, we play video games, we go get ice cream, we eat pizza in the living room and we do a bunch of other things that I took for granted before. It's a matter of perspective! After a while the hurt and pain of being alone was gone or either numb and I focused everything I had on my kids. I am so thankful for the opportunities that I have had with all 3 of my children over the past several years. I have been able to do things, share in experiences, live, laugh and love with them and watch them grown and mature. I used the mountain that I was climbing of being a single dad and turned it into a challenge to raise the best 3 kids that I possible could. And let me tell you that I have found much joy in pain. Everytime I would get down and depressed and feel sorry for myself, my kids would do something to make me laugh and remember that the past is not what's important, but the present here and now with my kids.
I also learned to love better and deeper. Unfortunately this took some practice and I have left a wake of destruction of hurt feelings, hurt emotions and heartache along the way. I always said that I would never get remarried or never get serious with another girl because I was so jaded and had lost faith in the purity of true love. But then wouldn't you know it, just when I gave up and decided that I was going to grow old and alone that God brought me my dream girl! I'll talk about her in another post, but let me just say that she loves me in ways that I never thought were possible. And I'm not talking about just physical love, I'm talking about true, deep, emotional love the way love was supposed to be. Like I said, I will devote a whole blog or two to her at a later time, but my point is that in the midst of the pain and heartache and loneliness, I found joy!
In a nutshell, it's about making the most out of a bad situation. Make it a point to learn how to not look at the negatives, not to get down on yourself and play the pity party with yourself. Suck it up, go into a closet and cry for a few minutes if you need to, but come out and take on that mountain with a different perspective. Ask yourself, what positives are in this? What can I learn from this? How will this make me a better person? I promise you, that if you look at it from that perspective, then you will find joy in pain.
I remember a friend of mine telling me a few months ago to suck it up, learn from this and move on. You see, I was feeling sorry for myself over something minor that I had turned into a mountain. She told me learn from this, look at the positives and move on. Guess what, I did and what a difference it made! I have learned to love deeper, laugh harder, play more and have a much better outlook on life!
So I leave you with this: no matter what your going through, there is always a positive side somewhere in there. There can be joy in pain, there can be joy in your circumstances. Maybe not right away or maybe not even a week from now, but if you learn to change your perspective and attitude then you can get through this a lot quicker. It's ok to mourn and grieve, it's natural, but please don't let that consume you. Find the positives and live life to the fullest! Life is too short to dwell on the negatives!
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